And, actually, Jonathan Cainer, was kinda right.
2011 was an immense year. It was the the year i left london and returned to Melbourne, it was the year I travelled through Italy and Eastern Europe, the year I changed jobs (ok i have done that every year for the last 5 years), it was my 3rd Glastonbury, and, *cringe* most significantly, it was the year I fell in love.
I did do some writing in 2011. I wrote a journal on a word document ( I couldn't bring myself to poison my shorthand journal with my self wallowing nonsense) which certainly helped get me though my winter blues.
I feel that 2012 is going to be the year 'i get my shit together and (it hurts me to write this) 'plan for the future'. So when i found this journal entry (in an actual real life journal) that I wrote in Ljubljana in July 2011, it took me back to that complete and consuming sense of contentedness I felt during these travels.
Here it is:
22/7/2011
I'm sitting in a cute cafe in Ljubljana - just finished my €6 lunch of salad (yes! Consisting of broccoli, cous cous, chick peas, corn, quinua and potato), after various combinations of pasta, meat, cheese and bread in Italy, this meal was very satisfying!
Each time I arrive in a new European city i'm overwhelmed by the monumental effort put in to make the city gorgeous to look at.
Ljubljana is probably one of my favourites so far. There is something so at ease about this place. The centre is spacious but full of character. I've spent 2 days happily wandering and have hardly seen the main 'sites'.
Most travelers i've met here only spend 1 night. You can easily see everything in 1 day but i'm glad to have the luxury of spending 3 days here. I've been able to sit in cafes people watching and reading, wander leisurely through the streets and relax in the evenings.
I've met people at the hostel for when I feel like company, but actually i'm far happier spending the days on my own being completely selfish and indulging only in what I want to do. But it's true that I feel comforted that the option to be with others is there if i want it.
Italy - and in particular Tuscany and Levanto were also overwhelmingly beautiful. In Certaldo, Tuscany with my best friends, reading under the olive tree, drinking local wine, making antipasti lunches and having 'romantic' dinners. The street festival in the old town - 'Certaldo Alto' ... these are incredible memories.
Venice didn't grab me. I could see and appreciate its beauty and uniqueness. I enjoyed getting lost in the streets and canals (again happily on my own) but I hated that suddenly the 'good' Italian food were now out of my price range and I was left with greasy pizzas and flavourless pastas. This was not my experience in Tuscany and Levanto, where fresh, delicious food was completely affordable. I also didn't enjoy feeling like I am part of the cattle of tourists roaming the streets. I realise how absurd this sounds. I 'am' a tourist and I have chosen to be so. But when I think of my favourite places and favourite travels - they are most often when I am surrounded by locals or otherwise 'local tourists'. This is how i felt in Amorgos, Levanto and most of Turkey. This is how i feel now in Ljubljana.
The characters I met in Venice also coloured the experience. I camped about 10 minutes out of Venice and met some quite eccentric and fun travellers. But soon my instincts told me to distance myself and when Frank the 'Jokester' from Germany suddenly lashed out at the waiter during dinner, changing the mood from light and jovial to black and awkward it seemed to fit in with my general disappointment with Venice. Later that night Frank picked a fight with a worker in the campsite which woke me in my tent, Frank was camping next to me and I suddenly felt the full extent of my vulnerability. This contrasted with the night before when I had laid in my tent, content, cosy and with the warm Italian breeze lulling me to sleep and for the first time in weeks I slept uninterrupted through the night.
I do feel incredibly lucky to be visiting what must be some of the most beautiful places in the world. My only set back is how much i wish Joel was sharing this with me, and how much of my time I 'involuntarily' devote to missing him. The peak seemed to be in Italy, it was about the half way point between leaving London and when I will next see him in Vienna, and I couldn't actually comprehend that I would have to wait the same amount of time until i next saw him.
It is difficult to keep your heart focused on where you are and be open to new (non-romantic) connections when your heart is back in London and demanding that your lover be with you as it should be.
Something else that has surprised me is how much i don't miss London. Whilst I loved my 2 years in London I think it finally wore me down. The big city mentality, the extreme size, the long commutes and of course the endless cold and grey winters. I grew up in my time in London. I had extremes of all emotions. I had Glastonbury and fleeting romances, heartbreak, Stokey, Church street on a Saturday morning, London fields on a sunny day, Sunday roasts and hours on end in the pub. And, in my last few months I had Joel.
A few months ago the idea of returning to Melbourne gave me mild panic attacks. London was definitely 'home' and i don't quite know what Melbourne is anymore.
But traveling to the unknown hasn't failed me yet.
